There are only three modes of treadmilling* as far as I’m concerned. No, I’m not talking about “warm up”, “fat burn”, or “cardio”. That is the normal answer and there’s never any type of normalcy here. No, the three modes of treadmilling I’ve had the most experience with are: sleep-running, dancing, and crapping.
C’mon, I know you want to know more.
The first mode I’ll mention is probably the most dangerous, but one I find myself turning to the most often: I sleep-run. Now, I don’t mean this in the sense that I actually get out of bed in the middle of the night and hop on the treadmill. I wouldn’t mind if my body was that productive and I just woke up feeling fit and toned, but no, I’m not that talented. Sleep-running for me is running on the treadmill with my eyes closed.
I don’t know if it’s the fact that my environment isn’t changing on a treadmill so is mostly boring or if the rhythm of the speed I set myself on lulls me into a sleepy daze, but something about jogging on a treadmill just makes me want to shut my eyes – and I usually do. I’ll hold onto the handles and just close my eyes, exiting my mind and just allowing my body to go, go, go. There’s something relaxing about doing so, just trusting my body to do its thing while my mind shuts off (though I do have to stay somewhat conscious so I don’t misstep and fall off).
It’s not something I’d recommend (that’s right, no doing it and then suing me thinking I recommended this – there’s no money to be had here), but it is undeniably a staple of my own personal treadmilling experience.
My second treadmilling mode is devoted to dancing. And no, it doesn’t involve anything choreographed like what you might remember from OK Go’s Here It Goes Again video (though I’m sure I look just as fabulous). You see, I listen to music while on the treadmill and if I’m not passed out in my sleep-running mode, I’m usually singing and dancing to whatever song is playing via Spotify. I pump my arms in the air, do some fancy footwork, throw in a couple of shimmies. I feel absolutely ridiculous doing it but I can never resist the urge to break loose, especially since I’m just in a room by myself with no one to judge me.
That being said, this mode is most prevalent in my warm up and cool down stages. Once I’m actually going it’s a bit hard for me to both run and dance. I’m definitely not that coordinated (though sometimes I still try).
Oh, this last stage. It’s the stage I always hope to avoid but one that sneaks up on me every so often: the crap stage where I literally feel like I’m going to crap my pants. I’m sure it’s because the hour or two I wait after lunch to hop on the treadmill isn’t quite long enough to clear out my system, but for some reason I can’t figure out a better time to do it. In the mornings I rather do yoga and I lose all motivation at night.
And it’s horrible! I can be running and feeling good and then suddenly… cramps. Clenched butt cheeks. The worrisome question: can I make it until the end or am I going to shit myself? A majority of the time I can manage and then take care of business after my cool down, but I’m not going to lie, sometimes there’s just no choice and I have to quickly turn the treadmill off and run to the bathroom.
I know, I’m so attractive.
So there you have it, my three unique modes of treadmilling. Has anyone experienced anything similar? Whether treadmill or not? Walking or running? I would feel so much better if I knew others participated in my unique modes as well. And if you don’t experience these, what do you do on a treadmill? How do you keep yourself engaged without sleeping or dancing and how do you avoid the crap attacks? Let me know in the comments below!
*Also, I’m aware treadmilling isn’t actually a word but that’s too bad. I’m like Dr. Seuss, I work by my own rules here.